…Spring

spring |spri ng |noun the season after winter and before summer, in which vegetation begins to appear, in the northern hemisphere from March to May and in the southern hemisphere from September to November

spring

With the first day of Spring upon us, and with all that the word spring conjures up in my mind, I thought I’d share a blog post after a long sabbatical from it all. Bare with me, this is a long one.  I’m usually pretty sure about how to go about what to say when writing a blog post. This time I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a long time. Was finding it hard to put into words why I’ve been away from photography and posting for over 8 months. I’ve found my words, so here goes. Today is my rebirth, my new beginning, my spring so to speak!  My return to a form of expression that I think I’ve been longing for. Blogging has taken the back burner for me, not photography completely, but blogging. Editing, processing, showing my images, etc, all on the back burner. Between July of last year and now, I’ve gone through just a couple, pretty huge, life altering, new start, changes in life. One I’d been longing for, for a long time, the other a change I wasn’t expecting.

In July I received the happy news that I was pregnant with my first child. The journey was emotional and difficult, but completely worth it in the end. I was overjoyed to find out that a dream I’d had since I was 23 years old was finally coming true. There aren’t really any words to describe the feeling when you hear you are pregnant. It’s also crazy how you go straight into maternal mode once you’ve found out. Immediately I was worried about what I was eating, changing my diet, walking more, and making plans. There were also feelings of “Oh crap, what the heck am I going to do?” My friends and family were supportive and excited for me. Plans and ideas about being a parent, setting up a nursery, giving the baby a name, finding a doctor, budgeting, etc were all I could think of. My mom always used to tell me I needed a plan. I haven’t always followed that, but planning was now a big part of my life now. It’s funny because even now, 5 weeks away from entering motherhood, I have some plans, but nothing is set in stone. So the planning continues. Things always find a way to work themselves out, at least that’s what my friend Noelle always said to me about my life, so I’m not overly worried. With my overactive mind going a mile a minute, I know this is why I backed away from photography a bit. I was still holding sessions, but with friends only, so the pressure was off all the time. Then in October I had a conversation with my Mom, that changed my life in the biggest way.

In getting ready for a baby, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one, but I started to envision the life I wanted for this child. I wasn’t thinking about what I wanted them to become, I was thinking more about what kind of parent I’d be and what kind of upbringing I wanted them to have. No matter what I thought, a strong sense of family always resonated in my mind. My upbringing as far as I can remember as a kid was fine. I was surrounded by cousins and birthday parties and friends and ballet classes. I had a typical childhood.  I don’t remember it not being a good one. When I became a teenager, as like most teenagers, I started realizing my family was far from perfect, and couldn’t wait to break free from it when I headed off to college. I believe this is a natural state for most kids. You feel like there’s more out there for you and you want to go explore. So I left home at 18 years old and headed to college. I didn’t go far, but far enough where I didn’t have to commute to school or stay living at home. I was on my own. And for seventeen years I lived away from my home. I liked it, I liked my independence, liked being by myself. I created friendships, stopped and started new jobs, fell in love twice, suffered a broken heart both times, made good and bad choices, moved around about seven times, before settling into a small beach town in Seal Beach, and grew up. I spent what is my adult life in southern California.

Then the life altering phone conversation I had with my Mom. I told her I thought the best decision for me at this time in life was to move home. As I got off the phone I really wasn’t sure what I’d just done, I really wasn’t sure it was the best thing for me, I really was afraid. But, I couldn’t take it back. I decided I’d be home in January, my Mom was hoping sooner, like that next weekend, but I wanted to spend some time getting used to the idea of moving my entire life back to a place I lived away from for a long time.  My sisters and Mom were excited for my arrival, “Can’t wait till you move home,” was a big response. All I could think was, I’m not sure. I received lots of advice in the last few months of living in So Cal, most was this is a great decision, you’ll appreciate all the help, you’ll be around family, etc. The one piece of advice worth talking about was from my friend Victoria, “make the decision, own it, and don’t look back.” Even now, I know, I made the right decision, but it has been a struggle. I am surrounded by family, a good thing, but I miss my friends. For years, they were my family, and they know me best. The transition has been hard and emotional.

I have good days and I have bad days. I’ve kept in touch with friends down south and tried to not be so demanding when it comes to living back at home. One important lesson I’m still learning is that I can’t change anyone else, all I can do is change the way I react to them or the situation. Sometimes this means holding my tongue, sometimes it means speaking up. I’m learning…constantly. My biggest excitement now is the impending arrival of my child. I’ve gotten the nursery all set up, pretty much received all I registered for, am set on names for either a boy or girl, and just want to meet them! I can’t wait to hold my baby for the first time, feed them, kiss and snuggle them. This spring will begin the best time of my life.

Happy Spring!

2 Comments »

  1. She says:

    Has anyone told you lately that you are a strong, beautiful and inspiring person? You’re honesty and strength is humbling, Katie Mahoney.

    She

  2. Ahh She, you made me cry!

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